I keep hearing people describe what we’re experiencing in the world as a kind of pause. Everything simply going on hold. However, in some ways it seems like this “pause” has caused a ripple effect of frenzy, stress, and dysfunction (with some exceptions). Some may have found their peace in this, though with this kind of outside energy taking hold of the unconscious world it’s easy to mistake this pause as a sort of punishment, and what seemed like a break from work and responsibility soon turns into feelings of confinement and stifled creativity.
When I found my sources of creativity limited to just the enthrallments of my room, my fridge, the internet, and my occasional trip to the porch, I realized I was only really left with myself to explore. I could no longer seek inspiration outside of myself. I had to go within. In going inward, I discovered the most challenging part of creating is that it’s deeply personal, making it difficult to let the process unfold on its own accord.
Here I was with all this “time” which proved to be an illusion, and still I couldn’t bring myself to produce anything more than the surface level. I couldn’t connect with what I wanted to say or what should be said. I made a commitment to showing up for this blog, and as the words refused to meet me where I needed, I wrestled with the idea that maybe this wasn’t meant for me.